


Survivors

by tornyourdress



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s05e06 Timeless, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tornyourdress/pseuds/tornyourdress
Summary: Harry & Chakotay & survivor guilt in the 'Timeless' timeline.
Relationships: Chakotay/Harry Kim
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Survivors

After the festivities die down and Harry has had his hand shook by too many admirals to remember, he retreats to his quarters. They are temporary, even though he has been told over and over to take as much time as he needs. He knows they are temporary. He needs to find them.

He spent nearly five years thinking about how much he wanted to get home and now that he’s here, all he wants to do is leave.

Libby’s moved on, married with children. It is impossible for him to be upset by this.

When Chakotay arrives in his quarters, Harry says, “That was some speech.”

“Thank you.” Chakotay is pacing, restless. Harry’s never seen him like this. He’s never been especially close to the commander. He respects him, of course, follows orders, all those things he’s supposed to do, but they’re not friends. Maybe the captain’s seen him pacing like this before.

Captain Janeway. He can’t even think her name without it hurting.

They could still be alive. Everyone has been reminding him of that fact, but then the speeches commemorate the crew as though they are dead, and the counsellors talk about moving on, and his heart says that they haven’t survived.

“They’re all dead,” he says.

“We don’t know that,” Chakotay responds, but it’s an automatic response. This isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation.

“It’s my fault,” Harry continues, and there is silence, because there is no good answer to that.

Chakotay is still pacing, his lips moving silently. Harry follows the movement. Names. He’s mouthing names.

Harry has never been able to read lips but he knows it is the crew. Their crew.

He thinks about the speech Chakotay gave just hours ago, what feels like a century ago, and how he thought that meant he was alone in this. Harry knows he is not dealing with the situation as well as the counsellors would like him to. But he is not alone. And that’s something. It’s something.

He reaches out to stop the pacing, puts his hand on Chakotay’s shoulder and nudges him into the closest chair. Harry sits next to him and opens his mouth to say something, then realises that he has nothing more to say, and instead kisses Chakotay, because it is the only way he can think to communicate.

Chakotay kisses him back, awkwardly at first, and then somehow they are on the bed, and Harry is _not_ thinking about how this shouldn’t be happening because everyone they loved was on that ship, and not thinking about how Captain Janeway wouldn’t approve of this, and not thinking about how it should be Tom here, if it was going to be anyone, and not thinking, not thinking at all.

Survivor guilt. Survivor fucking. Whatever the counsellors would say.

He’s not alone in this. They will find the others, someday. They will go home.


End file.
